finding faith, fulfillment, and finding a new normal

The bit of inspiration has changed a bit…

In the beginning, this blog was about what I wanted my appearance to be. But now it is so so much more.

I ran across a text from my dad this weekend that was back from January of this year saying:
"This is the year you are going to start to fly, great things are going to happen for you"
This text was sent before receiving important scan results. He wasn't worried about the pancreatic cancer he was fighting. He was worried about his 28 year old daughter who was juggling just buying a new home by herself, debating on making a huge career change and coping with the fact that one day within that year she would lose her very best bud, her dad. When I realized the severity of what he was diagnosed with I hurried up and bought a home (most expensive distraction EVER but it made him so happy) made a complete career change because he wanted to see me happy (best decision I've ever made, besides getting Bails) and got my pup, Bailey (you will probably see a million pics and feel like you know my little nugget) . While all of these great things happened, I obsessed over those things that he wouldn't see (me get married, my kids, etc) I obsessed over it so much that my positivity started fading away and I let go of fitness goals and many other things.

I also had started to lose my faith and I am proud to say my dad never lost his. I am also working on fully trusting god again and building my faith again.

We lost dad a little over a month ago on July 15th. It has been unbelievably hard. I can't put into words what or how I feel. Watching the Nat's isn't the same, I have accidentally called him when things have broken in my home and geeze, does that make it start to sink in. I have an empty, weird feeling yet I also have this new feeling that the things I do in life matter more, there is meaning again and I think my dad 100% has instilled that in me again somehow. My family is stronger than ever. We are sad but we have somehow grown closer which is what he would have wanted. I care more about having positive energy around me and giving it off to others. I finally want what is best for myself and want to give everyone my best self. He wanted me to write again (he always read my blog posts before I published them) take interest in photography, and mainly not be so hard on myself so those are my mini goals/accomplishments now. * Celebrate Small Victories *

My big goal is to get to my best self by thirty and keeping it that way. 333 days from today! Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and professionally – the whole package.

This blog is not just for myself. I never wrote on here for any kind of attention (who wants the world to know that you really do drink an unbelievable amount of wine and have a hard time hitting your fitness goals) This is to help anyone who needs to make a positive change, anyone going through their toughest loss, or anyone who just needs to feel like someone actually can relate to them. It is for the real life girl, with the real life body, that is going to kick ass, and take names to get to their goal – physically, mentally, emotionally or professionally.

We can do it together and if ya want, you can hear my goofy stories, tips and shigggles that come along with it 🙂

Ps. Check out the about me page, there have been some changes and I will be upgrading the site as well 🙂

#shigggsgettinreal

The last week and a half I have been probably been what people would call MIA from social media. That included Facebook and Blogging. Knowing I needed to make some decisions, I wanted to stop getting wrapped up in those Shigggs for a bit. Ya know the Facebook drama-like stuff (seeing people post things to upset others, catching people in stupid lies and petty shit) and only wanting to Blog with a clear head.

After this little experiment to see how long I could go without depending on my phone/social media, I learned a few things.

When you aren’t checking your phone as much/off social media, HOLY SHIT is an understatement on how annoying it is watching others. I realized how rude I look or come off as when I do that. Then realized during serious or important conversations with friends still looking at their phones and think in my head “HELLO, I’M STILL TALKING” or “Does this conversation really bore you THAT much?” It is almost like we don’t value the time or what we are doing with the people around us enough. The bitchy me kinda wants to say “Go hang out with so-in-so instead if their convo is that amazeballs” But then the angel on my shoulder says “It is what it is, you’ve done it too” and let it go. Now that I am using my phone again more and social media again, my goal is to stop doing that mid-conversation or just in the presence of friends/family at lunch or dinner or just hanging out. Now of course I understand emergencies and all that good stuff, but just a little habit that I personally would LOVE to break.

Okay enough of that rant. Now lets get to the #shigggsgettinreal shigggs –

I did the # (Hash tag) because of all the funny #hashtags things that have been on tv/my friends and I have been saying lately.

#WECANTSTOP

Sorry – Squirrel.

So, the last few months with lots of “cray-cray” things going on and taking over all of my time, I officially went insane. Well not really, but kinda in my head I guess. I became anti-social, badddd attitude and just a betch all around. Getting home at 10-11 every night wasn’t cutting it. And with school starting again for me, I could possibly pull a Britney…

….and as much as I love her…I would look BUSTED with a shaved head, although I do know I wear a better weave than she does. (I know, at least mine looks real)

With that being said, I had to do something. So I have decided to stop teaching Zumba for a bit.

Yes it sucks, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. This being my last week of teaching my classes feels weird – I even had this in my Yogi tea this morning…

I am not giving up on dancing at all, I could never do that. I’ve been dancing since I was 5, its in my blood. It’s just time to remember why I love it so much.

#1 Top Priority – Being healthy. I may not be teaching a ton of classes, but I will still be getting all my workouts in some way or another. Also, after I get my shigggs straight, I can drop in and dance with my friends and mentors that are teaching. Now instead of getting home so late and not having time for the grocery store my meals will be planned ALOT easier. Finally having a schedule – thank the lawwwd.

While I still think I can be Wonder Woman and do it all. A little dose of reality has set in and told me to chill for a bit. I still think that we are all Super Hero’s and can do it all. But as long as we do it all without changing ourselves (for the bad) in the process.